Sunday, December 28, 2008

An Eventful Year


After spending the day making the newest of memories with my growing family, I take a minute to realize how truly blessed I am. I reflect on a year, where times of sorrow burdened us, but were overcome by the pure and subtle blessings of marriage and birth. 
Our family (thanks to Casey and Sarah) :) welcomed it's first precious gift of life, Tristan Don "TD" Willis, on September 19th. He is the purest lil' form of love. His smile will melt you. I anticipate the day he calls me "Aunt ReeRee". It's been amazing to watch Sarah and Casey take their role as parents. They're incredible. Saddened that they live so far away, I cherish every moment I have with the three of them. 
On November 1st, Micah and Monica were married; therefore adding our sibling count to six! :) Us ladies are no longer outnumbered. She adds a sensitivity to our family that compliments us perfectly. She is the "I love you Sweetie" that makes your heart smile.
I hope everyone treasures the last days of their year, and embraces the coming one. Until next time...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The Healing of Wounds

(Written July 14, 2008)

Well...it's time. 

I don't know if I necessarily believe that "Time heals all wounds." But I do believe, in time, God heals them.

What a journey Wes and I have been on in the last year. The very hope that helps us to get out of the bed, is the same hope that helps us to sleep at night. A hope that God is in control and our minds can not comprehend what He truly has in store for us. Cuz let me tell you, it's gonna be awesome! :)

In March, after eight months of anxiously praying and waiting, I took a positive pregnancy test. Emotions were uncontainable...I was excited, nervous, anxious. The list goes on. But with those emotions came an assurance that God was with us and He was taking care of us, and our baby. My doctor and nurses understood my anxiety and were extremely sensitive to it. I came in for weekly sonograms to check for that most precious heartbeat. I experienced some cramping during those weeks and they saw me immediately to check on our baby. They assured me the baby was fine and I was doing great. On Tuesday, April 1st, I went in with an uncomfortable feeling. They checked the baby and said everything was great. If I sat still enough (which was almost impossible) I could almost see the heartbeat. It was faint, but was still there. It was as if God breathed His very breath into me, saying "I am here." We went home, feeling secure in what we had seen, but still somewhat nervous. 

Later that night, I felt the very same breath from earlier that day taken from me. I went to the doctor the next morning to have my fears confirmed. My doctor and nurses were in shock. I almost felt I needed to comfort them. With blood work taken previously that week, they discovered I have luteal phase deficiency. It sounds so much scarier than it is. My body produces progesterone, just not enough to keep our baby developing. It is medically fixable and my doctor is ready and on-hand when we're ready for the hormone.

So here we are again, in the midst of a trial that we struggled through last July. Where do you even begin to heal? Or am I even healed from our last loss? How do you keep your faith in something so damaging and unfair? These are questions I ask, daily. I deal with sadness, anxiety, and even anger on somedays. But I have learned that I can't allow these things to overcome my true being. I was told that it's okay to question God, just don't doubt Him and who He is. 

God is bringing us to a place in our lives and in our marriage that we depend solely and completely on Him. There is no room for self. Do I still deal with those same emotions and ask those same questions? Everyday. But I feel God working His peace in my heart and in my life. It is evident in so many that have encouraged Wes and I through each of our losses. We have the greatest family and friends. Healing begins in Christ, but it is carried through, I feel, in those on earth who literally carry us through these times. We are truly blessed.

To my Aunt Amy, who has always been my strength. Who would have ever though that our journeys through trial would bring us to where we are. I truly believe that YOUR angels are in heaven taken care of MY two angels, as you have always taken care of me. I love you.

To my husband, who tried so hard to make everything perfect, I appreciate your endless effort. You are my forever hero. Thank you for continuously picking up the pieces of my brokenness and so carefully putting me together. I love you.

My best friend Ashley, whom I can share my deepest of joys and pains with. You are one who sees me at my most "raw" and real moments, and still love me the same. Our life would not be complete without you and Knox. I love you.

To my family, the foundation from which I come. Words lose me when I think of how much I love each of you. I am truly, truly blessed.

God is constantly building a strong foundation of faith, courage, and love in Wes and I. We claim our future in Him daily and can only imagine what true blessings are in store for us.

A very wise man, (My Diddy), once told me that it is in the valleys that we catch a glimpse of who God truly is. If there were no valleys, there would be no mountains. We are definitely in our valley, but I can't wait to share the top of our mountain with everyone.

We've been through the Fire, but refuse to smell like Smoke.

(Blog written on July 20, 2007)

Well, it's been a few weeks, so I think I'm ready to write about it.

Two weeks ago, God decided on a different plan for Wes and I's life. The life within me returned to Christ on July 2nd. While physically and emotionally unbearable, I serve a greater God. While though only 8 weeks into my pregnancy, God planted such an anxious desire to in me to be a mommy. I am a Mom, I am. 

We find strength in knowing that God does have a divine will and plan for our lives. Now the test is to be patient as He reveals it. I am strong, I always have been. But God has shown me that it's okay to grieve. It's okay to be weak. For in my weakness, He reveals His strength in me. It is only in Him that I am able to wake each day. I have a new fresh desire for life. Live each day for it is a gift. 

Thank you to all that have offered so much encouragement and support. Trials are never easy, but they are bearable when you have friends and family to help you through it. I will never be able to thank everyone enough. We are truly blessed to have so many that love and care for us and our family.

To my Aunt Amy-my friend and Sister-what a journey we have embarked upon. The bond we now share has deepened within the last month. I know God was preparing me to you through yours. I apologize for being speechless. You have always been my rock, my encouragement, my words of wisdom. Where do I even begin to be that for you? Just know that I love you so much and wish I were there for you as much as you wished to be here for me. Who knows what God is showing us, but how amazing it will be when it's revealed. I love you.

For many reasons that are uncomprehendable to us as humans we go through trials. The ups, the downs, the fire itself. The true test is to place all your faith, your hopes, all of your being in Christ. For with HIm and only Him, will the fire not quench your spirit. Two weeks ago, I stepped into my fire. Looking at the monitor and realizing my worst fear confirmed, the fire consumed me. Without Him, my spirit will dry up. But I choose to stand stronger in Him. To depend on Him, to trust in Him....and to come out-and not smell like smoke.