(Blog written on July 20, 2007)
Well, it's been a few weeks, so I think I'm ready to write about it.
Two weeks ago, God decided on a different plan for Wes and I's life. The life within me returned to Christ on July 2nd. While physically and emotionally unbearable, I serve a greater God. While though only 8 weeks into my pregnancy, God planted such an anxious desire to in me to be a mommy. I am a Mom, I am.
We find strength in knowing that God does have a divine will and plan for our lives. Now the test is to be patient as He reveals it. I am strong, I always have been. But God has shown me that it's okay to grieve. It's okay to be weak. For in my weakness, He reveals His strength in me. It is only in Him that I am able to wake each day. I have a new fresh desire for life. Live each day for it is a gift.
Thank you to all that have offered so much encouragement and support. Trials are never easy, but they are bearable when you have friends and family to help you through it. I will never be able to thank everyone enough. We are truly blessed to have so many that love and care for us and our family.
To my Aunt Amy-my friend and Sister-what a journey we have embarked upon. The bond we now share has deepened within the last month. I know God was preparing me to you through yours. I apologize for being speechless. You have always been my rock, my encouragement, my words of wisdom. Where do I even begin to be that for you? Just know that I love you so much and wish I were there for you as much as you wished to be here for me. Who knows what God is showing us, but how amazing it will be when it's revealed. I love you.
For many reasons that are uncomprehendable to us as humans we go through trials. The ups, the downs, the fire itself. The true test is to place all your faith, your hopes, all of your being in Christ. For with HIm and only Him, will the fire not quench your spirit. Two weeks ago, I stepped into my fire. Looking at the monitor and realizing my worst fear confirmed, the fire consumed me. Without Him, my spirit will dry up. But I choose to stand stronger in Him. To depend on Him, to trust in Him....and to come out-and not smell like smoke.