How do I not rest easy when He has given me this very promise? My new challenge: to practice and apply to my trials the perseverance he has developed in me.
Separate from the health issues my husband is dealing with, we recently began fertility by recommendation of our doctor. We began seeing a specialist and underwent some more extensive testing. After many visits it has been determined I have Antiphospholipid Syndrome, a clotting disorder. Our specialist believes this is the most possible cause of our miscarriages. While google has only confused me more :), our specialist has been a great source of information and encouragement. I trust that WHEN we do conceive that precious Ginn Baby, God will grant him the knowledge to treat our situation with special care. I will be on baby aspirin and take two shots of heparin a day to help thin the clotting. He encouraged me that he will monitor us closely, and I believe him.
We still pray daily for Baby Ginn, but know that Wes's health is what needs to be priority at this time. Am I mad? No. Frustrated?...I swallow my pride and proclaim, maybe a little. The specialist gave to us what seemed to be our best chance of conceiving back in August. I was given a shot to assist my body in ovulation. Doctor's orders, just do the dance on this day. Okay, so here many will say, "If you would just relax and stop thinking about it, it'll happen when you least expect it." While I ponder on and consider all advice given, it's much harder than "Don't think about it." While I know that God's timing is perfect and always at work, I also believe that He sent us to a specialist (also a believer) to assist us medically AND encourage us in faith.
Wes was admitted to the hospital on "Dance Day."
Mad, No. Frustrated at the hand we have been dealt, Sure. But I think God respects my honesty. Through each of these "obstacles and discouragements," God is teaching me the very act of perseverance. I consider it to be a true honor that God is taking the time to personally guide me.
I wake up each morning with my faith in tact. Our lives have somewhat "gone up in flames." But the smoke may have been our very cry to Him...we just didn't know it.
"The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but non seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky...He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?'
Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island. It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied."
Even in the midst of all our pain and suffering, God remains constant. He works diligently in the midst of our discouragement. Our hut has been on fire many times, but thankfully the smoke from our trials summoned the very grace of God.
Philippians 4:12, " I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."